I started to tackle my birth plan about a month out. Living in Japan I knew my options were limited, a birth center etc. wasn’t really feasible with the amount of paperwork and translation necessary for citizenship, same with a home birth, so the hospital was about it. But even with a hospital birth – I learned just how much control you can have if you are informed, turns out – knowing really is half the battle.
Our decision to hire a doula is where the path split – to the one less travelled by Westerners today, but more travelled by women throughout history – the path that lets your body lead and says “body – you are amazing – do your thing” instead of“oh, how I fear you.”
Our doula, Amanda, this beautiful calm presence came into our life and introduced me to hypnobirthing; a surrender to and acceptance of the natural process of birth. For me hypnobirthing was not about hypnosis, but about letting go of fear, embracing what the body is designed to do, and connecting with God and letting Jesus’ strength in my weakness be made manifest in this miracle experience.
As Amanda taught me about birth, two powerful images stuck out to me, one - that if you can relax, and remove fear, your body will produce oxytocin and help you with your pain and two – a story of a woman who gave birth while in a coma – her body knew what to do, and since she wasn’t conscious to fight it – it was free to birth, this was powerful to me. I learned about general hospital interventions, what is done, when and why, and I could see just where that train derailed … very very early – and very very easily if you aren’t aware and committed to keeping it on track. As people inevitably told me their horrible birth stories, time and time again I could see when the track was switched over, being aware was so important.
Amazingly - I went into labor on my due date, I spent the morning grocery shopping in a packed grocery store before Thanksgiving, went to the park at 3pm where my water broke (which I was convinced I had lost control of my bladder and was actually peeing myself) I called Chris at 5 to come home, took a bath, tried to track my contractions and called Amanda at around 7pm. Contractions were not clear to me, I couldn’t understand what was what, but I had a sense things were progressing.
As I laid on the bed I remember my whole body tensing rigidly, like a hard wave of rigor mortis arching my back and overtaking me – hesitantly I thought it may be time for the hospital. The drive to the hospital was pivotal – I put on my relaxation CD and this is where I began to feel how to birth. If I could relax, if I could let my hips sink down instead of rise up – I could sit through the contraction without my body tensing so hard – it was possible. Chris thought I didn’t have a single contraction while driving and that we would be sent home when we arrived, but on that drive I found how to let them roll over me, instead of through me. My mind was repeating “oxytocin, coma, Your strength Lord” over and over, it took all of my concentration, and was laborious in its own way, but was a world away from that rigid body tension I had felt before. We arrived at the hospital and I walked to the delivery ward with a pacific Amanda holding my hand while Chris parked the car. It probably took me 20 minutes to go the few floors, stopping every minute or so to let that contraction roll over me, swaying, holding on the wall and swaying some more. We arrived at triage, still swaying, with water pouring out of me, apologizing as I was convinced I was peeing all over the floor. And so I swayed, waiting and waiting for a woman with a UTI to be seen, my silent demeanor my not have been to my advantage at that point. When the nurse finally came over, to her surprise, and maybe all of ours, I was 6cm dilated; oh – to a room you go!
We checked into the room at 9:20pm –Chris held my hand as I laid on my side, eyes closed, in my black splendid stretchy dress I bought at a BlueBee sale years before, never knowing it would be a cozy partner on this special day. Again my mind repeated “oxytocin, coma, Lord Your strength” until I was overwhelmed with the urge to push – and I thought this was wrong – I thought I had let a contraction come over me like on the bed at home and that I could no longer relax and resist it, but Amanda said it was OK, and with minutes to spare the doctor was called in. Once I had the OK to push, I pushed with all my might, and in 4 or 5 pushes – a little Favor Anne made her way on out, at 10:20pm, 1 hour after being admitted. Thank you Lord, and hello little squishy baby-like being. Chris and I were shocked, it was so fast – and then there were three.
I never experienced the ring of fire, or got close to ever wanting medication, when I was pushing I felt the ripping and kept saying “oww, owww, owww” but that was the worst of it, and then getting stitched back up – I felt all of that. Immediately after she was born the nurse asked if I wanted Pitocin to birth the placenta, but with my insistence she let me try on my own, which took only a few minutes – I think. I’m not really sure – it was a bit of crazy shock – the moment that your family changes forever and you meet this little person who will be such a huge part of your life – who knows what else is happening. We just laughed, it was so fast, and here I had birthed what appeared to be our baby J She laid on my chest, all white and squishy, welcome to our family little one - let’s just stare at each other for awhile.
I had become convinced early on that I wanted to try to go natural because I thought that the birth would be more painful, but the recovery would be easier. After my education in birthing and my experience, I am convinced both were easier. I believe my God made the body and made it to make and birth other bodies, capable of amazing things. 2 Tim 1:7, For God did not give us a spirit of timidity but a spirit of power.